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The Characters from SLIP SOUL (by Artflow.ai)
Taylor García
Uncategorized
My big brother and el chingón de los chingónes, Rodolfo Rivera (@capicuaman) is always showing me the latest in technology. He was, in fact, the one who suggested I join Twitter so long ago. Recently, he introduced me to ArtFlow.AI, a site which generates an avatar based on descriptions entered into the platform by users. Type in “New Mexican brujo,” or “Spanish sorcerer, or “Warrior elf” and the service will produce a stunning and mystical face just for you. I entered “Emo Dora the Explorer” and when I saw a grown up Dora, sullen with dark makeup, I was truly […]
slip soul – Best 2021 fiction book
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Emigrating from Mexico to San Diego, sixty-something Osvaldo Reyes intends to find his first love, Joanne Watson, a young writer he met over thirty years ago when she toured his hometown of Oaxaca City. But when Osvaldo’s employer in the United States shuts down due to protests, the clock starts ticking on his visa. He finds work at a local fish taco shop to buy more time in the US, but doesn’t know his sweet co-worker, a Mexican-American girl, is an ICE agent in disguise. Osvaldo ends up in an immigrant detention center where he meets Marcos Gomez, a young […]
The Admiral
December 24, 1492 Enrique Navarro Lovato shared a tiny cabin below the bow with Juan Carlos Gutierrez Romero. Each boy slept on a three-plank bunk, Enrique’s closer to the floor because he was the younger of the two, and because, according to Juan Carlos, Juan Carlos was part Basque, who were superior sailors, which is why the Admiral wanted him on the higher bunk. This was pure nonsense and Enrique taunted Juan Carlos relentlessly that he could never prove he was Basque, and why would he want to claim that heritage anyway, those arrogant heathens. Juan Carlos did little on […]
Earthquick
Taylor García
Uncategorized
This one lasted At least five minutes And though we are not from there We appeared to be in South America A capital in the mountains High rises reaching up Out of the valleys We were not frightened: Our parents had perished already But we still held on, Waited for the shaking to stop However, this was less a shake And more a bounce Reciprocation The building itself An elevator, like the gantry We rode to numb our pain with Thrills That all this happened in the South America of my dreams Tells me somewhere down there […]
Endurance
The men appear to be outliving the women. They show up now At the funerals With their so-called Friends. Companions. How quick to judge Are the youngest And supposed Most pious. Let her soul rest, They say. It’s only been Six months, They say. He’s never been alone, The others say. He’ll die as soon As she did, Without someone To talk to, They say. Would you? Would you dry up Out of loneliness? Swallowed up by Solitude? Not everyone. Not those who’ve Learned to subsist On crumbs. Not even a scrap She received from him All those years in […]
The Race to Find Presidential DNA
While Oprah Winfrey’s speech at the 2018 Golden Globe Awards unwittingly cast her as a potential 2020 presidential candidate, she quickly responded to InStyle magazine by saying, “I don’t have the DNA for it.” So what have the leaders in home genetic testing done? Begun a frenzied search for presidential DNA. Geneticists at companies like 23andMe, AncestryDNA, and the National Geographic Genographic Project are racing to identify the specific genetic markers for what it takes to president of the United States of America. For a high-dollar fee, plus a vial of spit, these companies can deliver a person’s genetic makeup, […]
Açaí Lifestyle Risk Factors Ranked
Stains
Least Desired Genetic Markers To Test Positive for on 23andMe
Asparagus Odor Detection Back Hair Bald Spot Bitter Taste Perception Male Hair Loss Unibrow Widow’s Peak
When Your Wife Becomes a Mother
When your wife becomes a mother, She will not rest until the decorations are up Or taken down, for that matter. Before all this, Holidays weren’t celebrations The way they are now. Before, she only photographed Things like shadows of ducks on ponds, And rhododendrons, and the dog in a necktie. A lot, you once thought. But boy, oh boy, you had no idea how many Moments she could capture with that phone. Thousands in the first year of life. When your wife becomes a mother, You enter into a lifelong love triangle, Or quadrangle, or trapezoid, or whatever the […]
My Visit with the Wise One
Or, When Your Dreams Tell You You Everything Before I met the Wise One, I joined a group of anglers in the night at an old pier, the concrete docks withered by the elements. That night, though winter, felt like any ocean side night: damp, thick, and invigorating. The four of us cast our reels into the sea with the synchrony of familiar co-workers, in fact, that’s what we all were, why we were joined that night—to work on our fishing skills. I was the least competent of all, and I knew this going in, but my form wasn’t too […]
Top 10 Baby Girl Names for 2017: Presidential Edition
10. McKinley 9. Madison 8. Taylor 7. Tyler 6. Kennedy 5. Carter 4. Grant 3. Reagan 2. Nixon 1. Mar-A-Lago
For Years I Tried To Read Don Quixote
For years, I tried to read Don Quixote, Revering the Spaniard writer in me, Skimming a thin abridged edition, Sophomoric in World History. Later, greater windmills. Exotic becomes quixotic. The bookmark stops. Again. Dare you go on, Wannabe pícaro? No. Gracias. We underdogs Know the ending anyway, Some will never get their day.
Trump Campaign Pre-Approved Alternatives to “Locker Room Banter”
Tee box talk Spa convo Limo gossip Humidor chat C-suite speak Green Room gab Yacht joshing Casino jabber Helicopter prattle
People Familiar With The Matter
Taylor García
Fiction | Humor | List
Informants Spokespersons Consultants Insiders Pundits Chairpersons Investors Experts Chiefs of Staff Middle and/or Senior management Presumptive press secretaries Whistle blowers Assistants Heads of security Deputies Aides Lieutenants Handlers Stylists Gadflies Roommates Estheticians Mavens Escorts Drivers Ghosts Writers Ghost writers Surrogates (sex or otherwise) Professional cuddlers Aunt Kathi
For Years I Tried To Become A Buddhist
For years I tried to become a Buddhist Fascinated with its harsh simplicity, How it all points back to one. Such is the way, The path to enlightenment That the young rich boy embarked upon, Shunning his worldly possessions for want of nothing. Even the river, The water, The rocks, All metaphor, Not real. Really. Nirvana is not a place. It’s more a band, Defiling their instrument, In angst. Their song wails the ultimate irony: That one cannot have and want at the same time. That one cannot wear flannel and smell of teen spirit. It’s one or the other, […]
For Years I Tried To Start Smoking
For years I tried to start smoking, scurrying out before theme parties: Bad Taste Ball, Red Light, Pajammy Jam—to pick up Pall Malls, Only to find the shreds of tobacco slipping past my lips. Tonight, some fifteen years later, I rushed out for a walk, alone, Minus wife, kids, mother-in-law, Left a flat cauldron of beef stew to roast in the oven for an hour. I cook now. I follow recipes. I make up my own. “Be back,” I said. Like those fathers you hear about that say, “Be back. Just going out to pick up some smokes,” and then […]
Top 20 Genderfluid / PC Celebrity Baby Names For 2016
20. Prophet 19. Farcy 18. Eyesys 17. Cray 16. Kobalt 15. Siry 14. Janeiro 13. Onovan 12. Moji 11. Tag 10. Bernie 9. Trending 8. Pluto 7. Tombrady 6. Sheeran 5. Bey 4. Jenner 3. Pat 2. X-Pro II 1. One
Pilgrims
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Toddy hurled the dice at his sister Maggie the very instant their father Elmer opened the door to let the motel housekeeper in. Maggie screamed, boomeranging the Wa-Hoo game board at Toddy in retaliation, marbles flying in all directions. Toddy ducked and laughed. The housekeeper peeked over Elmer, who tried his best Bosnian on the woman: “The sheets are dirty. Stains.” The maid spoke back to him in clipped words, still distracted by the ruckus. “Kids.” Elmer shrugged. The housekeeper went to English. “Our rooms are clean.” “I don’t normally complain about things like this, but please look at these […]
Anthropocene
Do your push ups in the sun, little one. Still spastic, plastic, After all these millennia. We rule the school now! Yet, We’re as big as we’ll ever be. You still have a chance, to dance To pulverize our little bones In your jaws of life.
Of the Taco: An Open Letter to Taco Bell’s new sauces
Dear Taco Bell, There are few places a part-time vegetarian of Hispanic origin can get Mexican-type food quickly. McDonald’s rolled out a chicken wrap in a tortilla, but that, of course, contained meat. Burger King, Wendy’s, and Arby’s? Not a single item that appeals to the brown in me. Now, Carl’s Jr I have to say is pretty clever with their sub-restaurant, the Green Burrito. I appreciate their effort to make a brand around ethnic food in a burger joint, but the words green and burrito just don’t go together. Jack in the Box has tried with their deep fried […]
Literary Magazines That Never Were
A collection of literary magazine’s I’ve invented in my head…. Curio Algorithm The Hidalgo Review Yonderlandia Stopped Clock Medusa’s Mirror The Local Body of Water Press White People Problems
Mall Sweats
The final fleeting days, of the dying year, most long for sweatpants. Preserve comfort. Hide side fat. Fashion. At the mall, in this agonizing transition, wear leather ones. They have them now. They foster tranquility and couture. They show you haven’t given up on it all. Not yet.
Side Fat
I’m drawing blank. I’m not motivated or excited to do this. I’m tired. I should be doing other work. The work that pays the bills. I’m thinking of other things. I’m not focused. I’m out of fresh ideas. All the good ideas have been taken. I sometimes have no faith in myself, my writing. I’m sad. I’m fat. Just kidding about the last two. Although I should be a little happier, it being a Friday. And I am kind of fat. More like skinny fat. Which is kind of gross because you’re skinny, but then you’re fat. More like hanging […]
False Starts
We’ve all been there: staring at a blank canvas, that perfect first line taunting you. Sometimes the entire story spills into your head. You see it all play out before you. It’s going to be marvelous. Then the words come. And this is what you get. False starts. Doomed beginnings. ========================= Traces of fat around his cheeks and jawbone had layered outward in the past few years, swallowing the distinct features of his once angular face. When Samantha didn’t recognize him, he said, “Hey, I’ve been hungry, okay?” ======================== There was a huge difference between “Could you sweep out […]
2015 Top Baby Names (Girls)
Baby name trend expert Nameberry* and the efficient record-keeping, lovable government office the U.S. Census* have released a rare preview of the top baby girl names for 2015. Names based on nouns, adjectives, or poorly crafted adverbs: 1. Birmingham 2. Talbot 3. Roget 4. Coriander 5. Story 6. Peril 7. Bevel 8. South 9. Wildly 10. Sable Male names soon to be appropriated for baby girls: 1. Cooper 2. Alvin 3. Commodore 4. Scott 5. Trevor 6. Lloyd 7. David 8. Carl 9. George 10. Frank * Nameberry and the U.S. Census did not release these names. Purely […]
Adventures / Failures in Pop Fiction ~or~ It’s all been done before
-witch / wizard school -vampire romance -vampire school – witch / wizard romance – zombie apocalypse -nuclear apocalypse -asteroid apocalypse -star-crossed lovers -feuding family -alien invasion -elf kingdom -mythical animals -time travel -lonely cowboy -traveling girl -cowboys vs. aliens -unlikely romance -talking animals -talking fruit and vegetables -freak weather -weather involving food -toys come to life -insect adventures -dead or dying planet Earth
Wait for the Shit Storm
You might be at a writer’s conference if: 1. You see tremendous metaphor opportunity in the old swing set with no swings on the beach outside your hotel room. 2. At lunch, everyone at the table says, at least once, something about, “my novel.” 3. You brought your own books to read of which you never open, but leave with a canvas bag full of new ones. 4. In workshop, someone asks if we can have compliments first, shit storm last. 5. When you call home, your significant other asks, “What’s wrong with you?” 6. At open mic, when someone […]
Sullivan’s Proxy Shrugs
Remy hangs his slacks up on his one hanger with the two clips he stole from his employer Macy’s, so the pants dangle ready for tomorrow’s round six in seven days of the holiday shift. Tomorrow’s the big day—the last grab for whatever people can get. He knows he has to press his pants in the A.M. though hanging them out like this—long hang—lets the wrinkles out some. Six days of wrinkles though, might be tough and in the A.M. He’ll likely have to ask Selma next door for her iron (again) so he can steam them on his bed […]
Stage Dive
Through a sliver of unshielded window, the midnight sun seared a line on Rebecca’s face that she had tried to avoid the minute she, her boyfriend Gil, and the fifteen-member marathon team tucked themselves into that corner of Chilkoot Charlie’s. They were still buzzing from the 26.2 miles they ran eight hours ago and they squawked about various portions of the course and the wonderful air and bonking. With bellies full of river fish and microbrew beer, and under the darkness of the bar, protected from the sun that wouldn’t dip again until fall, there was no way they […]
Before the Hookers
It’s long been argued that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Long before there were online reputation agencies, mobile wireless stores, and froyo shops, there were hookers. And hookers have been making a lot of money back then and now. It’s a lucrative job, prostitution, depending on what you get in return. But while prostitution may pad the pocketbook and fight for its position as the world’s oldest position, I believe there’s a far older job than peddling your skin. That job is writing. It must be the oldest profession, and probably even the world’s oldest hobby. How would we […]
The New Warrior Rules
The New Warrior will get a bachelor’s degree. The New Warrior will get a manicure only on days he interviews. The New Warrior will aim for a high-end outside sales position in a major metropolitan city. The New Warrior will represent a product, service, or basket of products and services for a 300-square mile territory. The New Warrior may have two phones: one for work, one for personal use. The New Warrior will not wear a Bluetooth device. The New Warrior will wear fitted business clothes. The New Warrior will get his hair cut approximately every 35 days by Tina […]
Mona’s Kid
Helen was getting drunk. Saucy, the waiter, poured her another glass of the 2007 Cab and she watched him, first with expectant eyes, then with the slightest guilt; her brow pitched upward thinking: maybe I shouldn’t have another. A small legion of Saucy’s cohorts dressed in snug white coats and black pants set the plates on the table. Anders, to Helen’s left, had the sustainable fish plate—seared albacore tuna over a posole broth—and a glass of Sprite. Greg, across from Helen, both hers and Anders’s manager in from St. Louis had the rib eye. It sat in a shallow […]
Treasure
How I avoided not reading Treasure Island as a kid goes back to a loner childhood void of popular classic literature yet abundant in a few other sources of… entertainment: Little Golden Books, illustrated abecedarian student encyclopedias from which I wrote most every fourth-grade book report, abridged story book versions of various fairy tales and classics, and steady bolus doses of cartoons. I wouldn’t say consuming all those forms of art caused my early aversion to reading but they certainly helped, as did the Santa Fe Public School system. Growing up in that system, the paltry required reading lists provided […]
Steve-o in San Diego
Eat a burrito In the hot sun In a Datsun Alone On a Sunday Not a Phunday Taste the waste Of your life With each bite In paradise You got hair plugs Waxed your chest Invested so much In yourself But for what?
Christmas, 1949
Mother joined Daddy’s Santa act this Christmas, one: to keep him under control, and, two: to get in on the fun. She first made herself an elf costume, kind of a short one, but Daddy had a fit and made her make a Mrs. Claus suit so they both had to stuff pillows and in their shirts and bottoms. Mother came out of their bedroom and we laughed. “I don’t think Mrs. Claus is this fat,” she said. “There’s no such thing as Mrs. Claus.” Daddy smiled at her. He stood ready by the door to go out, […]
The Keys To Jessica’s Audi
At the bottom of the stairs, Shandy invoked the prayer to St. Anthony. Jessica, Shandy’s Jewish boss said the incantation worked every time. Shandy held the prayer printed out on a small card so she could read it in a hurry. On the other side was an image of St. Anthony in his friar’s cloak, head shaved down to a crown of cropped brown hair. She read the prayer, in her thick Indian accent at least twice, sometimes three times a day. Saint Anthony, perfect imitator of Jesus, who received from God the special power of restoring lost […]
Concentrate and ask again later
The layout of the side-by-side stores at the Coronado Shopping Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico resembles a large pizza slice; the anchor stores, like the grocery and the drug store toward the crust end, and the entertainment like the bowling alley and the movie theaters up toward the tip of the slice. The parking lot adjusts accordingly with less space by the tip and more by the crust. In the early 1980’s, the grocery was once a Safeway, then it became Furr’s, then Lowe’s, and now a Trader Joe’s. In the middle of the mall was and still […]
Is this really necessary?
About a quarter into the opera, when the soldiers shuffle around stage, after the prima donna has belted out her first shrilly aria, when the villain, the hero, and the chorus are on stage, and when the orchestra is just hitting their stride, you ask yourself, “Is all this really necessary? Do these singers caked in makeup and in bright velvety clothes need to move about on this tiny stage acting out scenes that would never happen in real life? And do we, the audience, need to be here with them, watching them, supporting all this Italian nonsense? Then you […]
Justin Bieber’s Commencement Address
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Had to dig this up from the archives with all the recent bad Beiber buzz… Orginally written and read June 2011, Forest Grove, OR (Student Reading, Pacific University MFA program) Justin Beiber’s Commencement Address Boy, if you do anything with your life after this day, please stay a boy. Please never age, never grow up and abuse women or drugs, never land up in the Betty Ford rehabilitation facility in Mazatlan, never lose your millions of dollars, never hole up alone in your mansion and breakdown on national television, never fall out of favor with girls or their fantasies, never […]
Sand Trap
If you’ve ever played golf, you’ll understand how frustrating the sport can be, especially if you’re a beginner. You’ll think to yourself: “This is such a waste of time,” or, “What kind of sport allows you to drive right up to your ball?” or, “Wouldn’t this be much better if we just stopped at the twelfth, maybe the eleventh hole, and went back to the clubhouse for a hot dog and a beer?” But then you’ll get that one shot that sails high and straight, the one you’ll have to squint to see as it flies onto the fairway, and […]
Fill in the blanks
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Receiving little blank journals as gifts is both a blessing and a problem: the problem is that it takes a long time to fill them up and the blessing is that people have the faith in you to do just that.
Pinook. From China.
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Over the weekend I bought a mini-massager manufactured in China. The difference between this mini-massager and all the other mini-massagers from China is that it’s electrical stimulation with pads that adhere to your skin. The effect is full-on electricity going from the MP3-sized device right into your muscles. The sensation is, of course, mild electrocution, but man does it feel great! Instant relaxation. In fact at the demo booth, where I decided to procure this magic little device, the sales rep went over features and benefits while I had the sample kit on my trouble spots but I didn’t hear a thing; I […]
50 in 15
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Fifteen years ago, being 20 years of age, the world glowed with possibility: not a child, not an adult, onward to new found freedom, a toe still in the nursery. How fast it all moved forward. Graduations, emancipations, new occupations. Bills. Real bills. Overdrafts. Relationships. Trips. And all that time, where was I really headed? Was there any particular place I was going? Each year adding on, notches on the post, a ring inside the tree, not noticing anything different, really; the same idyllic perspective as the year before. And then: the middle. The real midlife, maybe? The: “I’m too […]
Making
Taylor García
Uncategorized
More people and less things for them to do—that’s the world we live in now. Perhaps Vonnegut was right when he said our purpose on this planet was to fart around. Seems there’s more people farting around than usual. This isn’t a bad thing. Farting around is okay, fun in most instances, but making a living out of farting around is difficult. Used to be we made things. Skyscrapers, rockets, cars, houses, gadgets, widgets, food, physical goods. We still make and sell all those things, but there’s a whole other sphere of intangible products that we make and sell. […]
Devil fauna
Taylor García
Uncategorized
If you watch a cat for a while, you’ll see it has two distinct personalities. One is darling. It’s little eyes go soft and it meows sweet little meows. It rubs up against you with its little cat motor running, lets you pet it, even hold it. And when it sleeps—my gosh, is it precious. With the other personality, it’s ears point back like little horns and its slits for pupils tighten up and it unfurls it razor sharp claws and teeth. The family recently expanded with the adoption of a kitten and so cat watching has become a small pastime. We’re […]
AWOL from the IPhone Army
I have my IPhone 4 (not the 4S—let’s be clear) in a bag. I just converted to IPhone after using a horrible Droid for almost two years. I wanted to move to IPhone because the price of the 4 plummeted when the new one came out and I wanted to see what all the fuss was. The problem though was the brand new IPhone, when held to my face, dialed, muted, tried to activate other features, etc. Websites said it’s a common problem—this “face-dialing”—with IPhone 4’s. Something about the proximity sensor. The only way to combat it are to reset […]
Special Characters
Taylor García
Uncategorized
We are the thirty-somethings—more specific—the 34 to 37 somethings. In this thin band we reside precisely in the middle of the current epoch. We didn’t see the World Wars or Korea or Vietnam and many of us didn’t have to march off to the very first Desert Storm (we were likely in high school). We didn’t have to worry about anything really. We had everything. McDonalds was everywhere. Our teachers in elementary school taught manners. We learned cursive. We had classroom parties for every holiday. We went trick-or-treating. Our first brushes with technology included the Oregon Trail on a tiny […]
Host
Taylor García
Uncategorized
Years back, when I lived in the party house, and there was a party going on, I would observe everyone having a good time, drinking and smoking and throwing their heads back and laughing, gazing off into the darkness over the balcony, plotting their next move, wondering about their future, contemplating their past, hating the present moment, and think to myself, “I just want to go home.” Then I would realize that I was home. I couldn’t leave the party. I would have to stay awake and enterntain until they all figured out what it was that they were going to […]
The wound, open
Taylor García
Uncategorized
The initial rip into the skin doesn’t hurt as much as you might think. You probably had anticipated it. You might have seen the blade or the shard or the spike all along and thought to yourself, “What if the devil got into that thing?” The first puncture though, when the skin breaks and the foreign object enters and the blood gushes out may sting. It may tear and ache. It will definitely garner a visceral response. You might scream! You might cry! But when that object is removed the pain begins. You might think it wise to leave it in until you get to the […]
God said
Taylor García
Uncategorized
“They’re very industrious,” God said. “Give them a difficulty, anything at all, and they will go about trying to fix it. I just love to watch them solve problems all day and night, around their little clocks. This product recall for example. The accelerator pedal sticks and has caused a few accidents. They’ve dropped everything and dedicated their time to fixing it. They’re going to repair every one, or so they say. They are going to take care of their customers. I just love that word and the way they use it. And yet, when I observe them working so […]
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The Characters from SLIP SOUL (by Artflow.ai)
Taylor García
September 19, 2021
My big brother and el chingón de los chingónes, Rodolfo Rivera (@capicuaman) is always showing me the latest in technology. He was, in fact, the one who suggested I join Twitter so long ago. Recently, he introduced me to ArtFlow.AI, a site which generates an avatar based on descriptions entered into the platform by users. Type in “New Mexican brujo,” or “Spanish sorcerer, or “Warrior elf” and the service will produce a stunning and mystical face just for you. I entered “Emo Dora the Explorer” and when I saw a grown up Dora, sullen with dark makeup, I was truly […]
Uncategorized
slip soul – Best 2021 fiction book
Taylor García
August 31, 2021
Emigrating from Mexico to San Diego, sixty-something Osvaldo Reyes intends to find his first love, Joanne Watson, a young writer he met over thirty years ago when she toured his hometown of Oaxaca City. But when Osvaldo’s employer in the United States shuts down due to protests, the clock starts ticking on his visa. He finds work at a local fish taco shop to buy more time in the US, but doesn’t know his sweet co-worker, a Mexican-American girl, is an ICE agent in disguise. Osvaldo ends up in an immigrant detention center where he meets Marcos Gomez, a young […]
The Admiral
Taylor García
December 25, 2019
December 24, 1492 Enrique Navarro Lovato shared a tiny cabin below the bow with Juan Carlos Gutierrez Romero. Each boy slept on a three-plank bunk, Enrique’s closer to the floor because he was the younger of the two, and because, according to Juan Carlos, Juan Carlos was part Basque, who were superior sailors, which is why the Admiral wanted him on the higher bunk. This was pure nonsense and Enrique taunted Juan Carlos relentlessly that he could never prove he was Basque, and why would he want to claim that heritage anyway, those arrogant heathens. Juan Carlos did little on […]
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TAYLOR GARCÍA 