Justin Bieber’s Commencement Address

Had to dig this up from the archives with all the recent bad Beiber buzz…

Orginally written and read June 2011, Forest Grove, OR (Student Reading, Pacific University MFA program) 

Justin Beiber’s Commencement Address

Boy, if you do anything with your life after this day, please stay a boy. Please never age, never grow up and abuse women or drugs, never land up in the Betty Ford rehabilitation facility in Mazatlan, never lose your millions of dollars, never hole up alone in your mansion and breakdown on national television, never fall out of favor with girls or their fantasies, never write a bad song, never decide to try a different career like acting or diplomacy or state government, never break hearts, never fade, never grow up.

Protect yourself, boy, today and always because they’ll be watching your every move. Watching who you do, who you screw, what you tweet, what you text. All of it will be up for grabs, sliced and diced, and chopped up into little bits to eat and savor until you decide—or until they decide for you—to become a man.


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